To be able to move forwards I’m going back.
Towards the end of 2013 it was something I thought about. But it was not the right time.
Now is the time.
And so, next week, on the 1st of March I’m going back.
I’m going back to the place where a part of me died when in 2007, already a fragmented person, all that was left was taken away by strangers. The tiniest bit of me that didn’t die that day was left there when a week or two later I packed my bags and left.
Life was tough before. It was tougher after.
And it’s never been the same again.
It never will be.
But I’m learning that life can be different to how it has been and is now. I’m learning that there is the possibility of being released from the things that hold me captive.
I’m learning that things can start to move forwards again.
I’m learning that the journey is not over.
And right now, I’m at the very start of a new one.
By going back, and being in that place again and then choosing to walk away I’m going to be closing a door. Closing a door that has not allowed anything to change because the darkness has been so great it’s been impossible to believe it can.
As I choose to walk away from that place, I’m going to be choosing to open a new door, of forgiveness, healing, restoration and freedom.
I’m not naïve to think it will all come instantly.
But I am intentionally choosing to go after them like never before.
For the last few weeks I’ve been thinking that by ‘going back’ it was going to be ‘the end’.
It’s not ‘the end’. Its just closing the door on something that has stopped me from moving forwards.
Opening a new one. Now is the time.
Starting a new journey.
That could be equally as tough and painful. But it will be different because I can see hope in it. And for the first time ever, God.
So the next few weeks and months could be really messy.
What I do know is life has changed, significantly over the last few months and is going to continue to do so in some shape or form over the next few.
I’d be really grateful for your prayers – thank you x